


All I know

by yourlionheartx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Kissing, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 15:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12323856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlionheartx/pseuds/yourlionheartx
Summary: 5 times Zayn and Liam kiss





	All I know

**Author's Note:**

> I'm definitely meant to be doing lesson plans for my first day back tomorrow but woops. I'm sure the first kiss has been written a million times but I had to.
> 
> djtommotomlinson.tumblr.com

1.

Zayn doesn’t fall for people easily, doesn’t like to let them in. He’s always found in hard to make friends because he second guesses himself and others and he’s never sure of people. That’s it really, other than his family, he’s never been sure of anyone. He isn’t sure of Liam when they first meet. They’re probably the two quietest ones at first. Harry’s walking around with no clothes on, flirting with everyone but circling back to Louis who might be the most out there person Zayn has ever met. Louis doesn’t give a shit. Zayn envies that sometimes because Zayn cares so much about what other people think of him, how he’ll be judged, and Louis just wants to have a bloody good time every second of every day. Niall’s got his guitar and crowds seem to follow him around everywhere, which is understandable because he’s always smiling and hugging everyone.

Liam’s quiet. He’s sensible and doesn’t like it when the others swear or drink or argue. When the others are off causing mayhem, Liam and Zayn sit together and talk about what they want out of the band, music they like to listen to, things they want to sing about. They move towards each other and fit together easily, falling asleep on each other’s shoulders, holding on to each other for support.

The first time they kiss is on their first tour. Maybe Louis’ been pushing Zayn just a little bit. Him and Harry are a thing now and that was always inevitable, Zayn thinks. He saw it on their faces when they first got the band together. They look at each other like everything else in the room has disappeared. Louis keeps asking Zayn, asking and asking until Zayn says yeah, he is into guys but he’s never done anything with them. And then Louis’ asking him about Liam and Zayn’s denying it but he’s looking. He’s watching Liam during sound checks and missing his cue, he’s watching Liam getting changed between sets and they’re catching each other’s eyes and flushing red.

They’re on the bus and everyone’s sleeping or pretending to sleep. Zayn’s staring at the bunk above him and thinking about Liam and wondering why Louis had to ever mention anything because apparently now he has a huge crush on one of the only people he’s ever really felt connected to. The person who understands him all the time and loves him but not in that way, in a brother way. Liam’s probably not even into guys. He’s probably never even had to think about it before.

Zayn sighs and sits up, moving quietly. He gets out of his bed and climbs the few steps on the ladder to pull back Liam’s curtain. Liam’s lying on his front, the glow of his phone lighting up his face. He turns to Zayn with wide eyes. “Hey,” he whispers.

Zayn doesn’t answer, just climbs into the tiny bed next to Liam and turns to face him. Liam slides his phone shut and lies next to him, smiling but still looking a bit confused. “What’s up?” he asks.

“Tell me about your first kiss,” Zayn says and even in the dark he’s sure he sees Liam blush.

“Um – I, it wasn’t very good,” Liam says. He forces out a laugh. “It was awful actually. Neither of us knew what we were doing.”

Zayn nods and then he moves to push Liam back down against the sheets and Liam takes it as some kind of game because he laughs and pushes Zayn right back. He’s a little stronger than Zayn and manages to push him up into a sitting position so he’s straddling Zayn’s hips, batting his hands away when Zayn tries to push him again. Soon, they’re both laughing, playfighting in the small space they have, trying not to fall from the bunk.

Then Liam’s face is right there, right in Zayn’s face. He’s hovering over Zayn, trapping him against the bed with his knees straddling Zayn’s hips. It takes a second for Liam to notice the change in mood and he goes to pull back.

“Kiss me,” Zayn says.

Liam splutters out a laugh. “What?”

Zayn moves closer, tilting his chin. “Come on, Liam.”

Liam looks from Zayn’s eyes down to his lips and Zayn feels a flush of arousal when Liam wets his own lips with his tongue. He can feel Liam’s breaths against his face and he wants this so bad but he knows he has to play it off as a joke for it to happen.

“Come on,” he urges again. He gets closer and his lips are just there, so close. “Fucking kiss me,” he pushes up on onto his elbows and presses their mouths together.

Liam makes a shocked little noise in his throat, his hand moving to grab at Zayn’s shoulder. For a moment Liam does nothing and Zayn’s about to pull away and laugh at off but then Liam tilts his head and his hand moves slowly from Zayn’s shoulder to the back of his head, fingers in his hair. Then he opens his mouth against Zayn’s and Zayn feels his tongue slide against his. Zayn falls back against the bed, dragging Liam down with him and they’re really kissing now. He gets his hands in Liam’s hair and pulls him closer.

Liam pulls back first, of course. He pulls back like he’s been electrocuted, so fast that he hits his head on the bunk above him and falls back against the other side of his bed. He’s breathing hard, lips wet and kissed pink, hair messy. Zayn’s mind is blank as he scrambles desperately for something to say to stop Liam looking like he’s about to start freaking out.

But then Liam laughs. Zayn joins in a little too late, forcing it out of him, still over whelmed and struggling to breathe. “Okay then,” Liam says, tearing his eyes away from Zayn to look down at his bedsheets, like there’s something really interesting there.

“You’re all right,” Zayn manages to say. “Good kisser, Payno.” He nods and moves to get past Liam and out if the enclosed space which is suddenly too hot. When he brushes past Liam on the way out of the bunk he feels Liam tense.

“Um – you’re good too,” Liam says.

Zayn smirks, looking back at him. “Well, obviously,” he says and he steps down and back into his own bed.

He doesn’t sleep. He’s not sure if Liam does either.

2.

They don’t mention it. They literally act like it never happened, but Zayn’s thinking about it. He’s thinking about it all the fucking time. Liam’s mouth on his, his weight on Zayn, hands in each other’s hair. Zayn’s looking at Liam’s mouth, desperate to taste him again and he’s not even being subtle because Harry of all people is giving him pointed looks and nudging their knees together to get him to concentrate during interviews and signings. Harry who can’t even look at his boyfriend without drooling a little.

It’s quite a long time later when it happens again. This time Zayn can blame alcohol, although he’s sure Liam hasn’t drank half as much as everyone else. They’re stumbling around a club and Liam has his fingers curled tight around Zayn’s wrist. They’re dancing together and Liam’s biting on his lip and looking at Zayn’s mouth. They’re sneaking out the back entrance together and into the back of their car that’s taking them back to the hotel and as soon as they’re sitting down, Liam’s on Zayn before Zayn can even take a breath. He’s trying to climb onto Zayn’s lap, kissing him hard and moaning against his lips.

“Woah, woah, Li,” Zayn whispers. “Whatcha doing?”

Liam shakes his head and goes to kiss Zayn again but they’ve been drinking and Zayn doesn’t want it to be something they do when they’re not thinking. He doesn’t want Liam to wake up tomorrow and regret it.

“Zayn,” Liam whines.

Zayn sighs and leans forward to catch Liam’s lips and he feels Liam sigh, pressing into the kiss and opening their mouths. Then Zayn realises where they are and he pulls back, looking up at their driver who has an amused smile on his face as he drives them back.

Liam notices where he’s looking. “Shit,” he hisses, moving back into the seat next to Zayn.

They go back to separate rooms at the hotel.

They don’t talk about it.

3.

“I love you, you know that, right?” Zayn says. He stretches his legs out, head in Liam’s lap. Liam grins and runs his fingers through Zayn’s hair, pushing it from his face.

“I know,” he says. “Love you too. You’re my best friend. Best friend I ever had.”

Zayn smiles, content with it. He wants more, but that’s greedy of him because what they have should be enough. He’s never had a friend like Liam, someone he can go to when he needs advice, when he needs to vent, when he needs to laugh and talk about stupid shit. Why would he want to ruin that?

He’s a little bit high. Him and Louis were smoking in Zayn’s room and now Zayn’s here and Liam’s beautiful above him, his attention more on the shitty movie on TV than on Zayn. But Zayn’s just looking at Liam, tracing out details of his face. He feels Liam’s hand still in his hair.

“Stop staring at me,” Liam says.

“You’re pretty,” Zayn says and Liam rolls his eyes.

“That’s what every guy wants to hear,” Liam says.

Zayn sits up, head spinning a little. “Liam, do you want to smoke with me?” he asks.

Liam keeps his eyes on the TV but Zayn can tell he’s distracted. “I – uh, I mean, I haven’t done that before,” he says.

“I know. I can show you.” Zayn’s getting up, even though Liam hasn’t agreed. He’s obviously not going to force Liam into it but Liam’s always been curious enough to ask about it, how it feels, what’s in it, is it dangerous? He’s told Zayn before that he wants to but not in front of the other’s because he’s scared he’ll make a fool of himself.

Zayn has the bag of weed in his pocket and papers. He feels Liam’s eyes on him as he prepares a spliff, rolling it and putting it between his lips. He sees the look of apprehension in Liam’s eyes.

“I’m not making you do anything you don’t want to do,” Zayn says.

Liam nods. “I know. You wouldn’t.”

Zayn lights the end, turning the spliff as it lights and inhaling. He keeps the smoke in his mouth and then slowly breathes it out. Then he passes it to Liam.

“Just breathe in,” Zayn starts but Liam’s already doing it so Zayn sits back and watches. Liam coughs immediately, handing it back to Zayn as he splutters. “Don’t swallow it,” Zayn says, smiling. He takes another hit himself and gestures Liam closer.  

Liam shuffles closer on the sofa, leaning his head close and Zayn feels dizzy with both the weed and the way Liam’s parting his lips. So fucking close. Zayn leans forward so their lips are almost brushing and he breathes out slowly, letting Liam breathe it in. he wants to press closer, wants it so bad, but he forces himself to tilt his head back to watch Liam.

“Okay?” he asks.

Liam nods.

“Try again?” Zayn suggests, passing the spliff back to Liam who breathes it in, slower this time, letting it sit before he breathes out. Zayn’s zoned in on Liam’s mouth, watching the smoke curling from his lips.

“I don’t feel different,” Liam says, blinking slow.

“Wait.” Zayn sighs and moves close to Liam again, taking the spliff from his fingers to stub out in the ashtray on the table. “God, I want to kiss you,” he breathes.

Liam’s eyes are wide but he isn’t moving. He blinks again and then smiles. “Oh?” he says, sounding surprised. “Then why aren’t you kissing me?”

Liam’s eyes slip shut and Zayn moves to brush their lips together, slow and gentle. Liam sighs against his lips and then gets his hands in Zayn’s hair and pulls him down on top of him so they’re lying down. He licks into Zayn’s mouth and Zayn’s whole body is tingling, head to toes, especially wherever Liam’s body is pressed to him.

They keep kissing, lazy and slow. Liam’s fingers trail under Zayn’s t shirt and he makes these little noises in his throat, like he’s asking for more. They only stop when they’re too tired to keep their eyes open and then they fall asleep next to each other, all wrapped up in each other.

When Zayn wakes up Liam has gone. They share a smile at breakfast and later on stage Zayn comes up close to Liam and Liam looks at him with hooded eyes, teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

But again, they don’t say anything to each other, not really. They acknowledge it and they move on but now every time they’re together it’s more than cuddles and playfights, it’s Liam looking at Zayn _like that_ and Zayn knows something’s coming.

4.

Zayn stubs out his cigarette and for a moment he considers lighting another one, just chain smoking the entire pack so he has something to do with his itching fingers. It’s stupid, it’s so fucking stupid but they were talking, him and Liam, about what they’re looking for in a partner. Harry and Louis have found each other’s soul mate just like that and Niall’s just so happy to do his own thing right now that he never really thinks much about it. But Zayn and Liam, they both want someone to wake up next to, to hold hands with, to kiss goodnight and write songs about.

Liam had shrugged. “I think I’m just – I’m looking for a girl with your personality,” Liam said and Zayn had felt sick as he forced a smile.

“I am pretty awesome,” he had said before excusing himself. He hears the door to the recording studio open and Liam steps out, lighting his own cigarette. Zayn looks back at him and then decides he might as well smoke another one so he has an excuse to stay out here with Liam for a bit longer.

“Harry’s sounding awesome,” Liam says. “He’s getting some of his bits done, his voice has got so good.”

“Your voice is good,” Zayn says.

“Your voice is like – your voice is incredible.” Liam stops next to Zayn and leans against the wall he’s against. “Are you okay?”

Zayn nods a little too quickly. “Yeah. Course I am.”

“I’m not,” Liam admits and Zayn stares at him.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“I feel – sometimes I feel really lonely. And that’s stupid because I got all you guys, especially you – but I feel like I can’t find that person.”

They’re back on this. Liam clearly wasn’t finished with this conversation, even though Zayn wants it to stop. Everything Liam says is just hammering it harder into Zayn that Liam’s looking for someone that isn’t him. He’s into girls, he’s only into girls and he doesn’t even know how Zayn feels about him. If he did he’d probably run away from all of this. It would be like all those moments together were just about Zayn trying to get his pants, like he was always pushing for more and Zayn doesn’t want Liam to feel bad or guilty for how comfortable they are.

He exhales, watching smoke in front of his face, obscuring his view of Liam for a second so he can collect his thoughts. “Liam,” he says and Liam turns to look at him. “You’re fucking amazing and the right person is out there. People as good as you take longer to find it because you deserve the best kind of person, which is hard to find.”

Liam smiles, small and shy, shaking his head. “That’s really nice. I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Zayn sighs. “It’s the truth. Truth is easy.”

His chest feels tight. He thinks he might cry if he keeps talking and he really doesn’t want to. Instead, he leans forward, meaning to kiss Liam on the cheek, but Liam turns his head at the wrong time and their lips meet. Liam seems shocked at first but then he’s grabbing Zayn’s shirt and pressing him back against the wall, kissing him hard and desperate, licking past his lips and fitting their bodies together. Zayn drops his cigarette, hands grabbing at Liam’s hair and kissing back.

“Fuck,” he whispers against Liam’s lips and then he feels a sharp pain and Liam steps back, dropping his own cigarette.

“Shit, I burnt you,” Liam says, grabbing at Zayn’s arm, eyes wide. “I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry. We got to run in under cold water.” He’s dragging at Zayn’s wrist, back inside. But Zayn can’t even feel the tiny burn on his forearm. All he can feel his Liam’s lips setting fire to his whole body.

5.

The burn blisters even after running it under water and Liam fussing over him as if he’s managed to slice of one of Zayn’s fingers or something. Zayn keeps pressing at it until it aches. He’s realising that he’s a mess, he’s a total mess for this guy and he thinks maybe he’s losing his mind. Everything is _Liam, Liam, Liam_. He can’t write lyrics without them all being glaringly obvious, he can’t stand near Liam without wanting to kiss him.

The promos started. Interviews every day, radio, television, magazines. When they finally have a morning off, they meet for pizza at Harry and Louis’ the evening before. Zayn can’t sit still, his leg jumping, his fingers fiddling with his rings, playing with his hair, eyes darting to Liam. And then their eyes meet and Liam doesn’t look away. He holds his gaze and he’s really looking at Zayn like he’s just properly seen him, for the first time ever. Then he nods his head, gesturing out into the back garden.

Zayn follows him.

They’re quiet at first. Zayn offers Liam a cigarette but he declines. He’s trying to quit again. Zayn can’t be bothered to even try doing that. Not now, when he thinks he’ll end up chewing off his fingers if he can’t do something else to distract them. He lights his cigarette and looks down at his feet, waiting for Liam to say something.

“Zayn,” is all Liam says. Zayn looks up.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn says.

“What are you sorry for?”

Zayn shakes his head. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Please say it,” Liam pleads. He steps forward and his hand on Zayn’s arm, smooth fingers trailing his skin that should feel comforting but just make the hair stand up on end and Zayn want to step back and start running. “Zayn, please, it’s me.”

“I can’t,” Zayn chokes out, so close to tearing up. “I can’t ruin this. You’re all I ever wanted, it’s just – I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re never losing me, you know that.” Liam steps even closer and Zayn can smell his cologne and the beer they’ve been drinking and pizza and Liam and he reaches out to steady himself, his hand on Liam’s chest, fisting the fabric of his shirt. “I love you,” Liam says quietly.

“I know.”

“No, you really don’t. You think you do but you have no idea.”

“You love me like a brother - ” Zayn starts but Liam cuts him off,

“A brother? Seriously. Brothers don’t kiss like we do. Don’t tell me how I feel about you. You don’t know how much I’m in love with you,” Liam’s voice is rising, but he isn’t angry. He just sounds desperate, frustrated.

Zayn looks up at Liam and sees the look in his eyes, knows he isn’t kidding. He means it, he really means it and Zayn feels faint with that knowledge. He drops his cigarette and tugs on Liam’s shirt, pulling him forward to kiss him.

Liam sighs into it, arms wrapping around Zayn and pulling him closer, kissing him harder, licking into his mouth. “How do you feel about me?” he asks against Zayn’s lips when they finally part for air.

Zayn can’t even understand how it’s a question, how Liam could even doubt for a second that Zayn clearly feels the same. He stares at Liam. “I love you, you know I love you.”

“Then fucking kiss me,” Liam mutters, moving to press his lips to Zayn’s again.

 

Zayn loses count after kiss number 5.


End file.
